This is an honest reflection on what IVF hormones feel like – emotionally, mentally, and physically – especially when you’re trying again after a failed IVF attempt and navigating conditions like Asherman’s Syndrome.

Pregnant woman jogging on treadmill at the gym — *If only a gym membership could get me pregnant.*

Here we go again.

After a much-needed, refreshing break, I’m sitting in the bloods chair at the IVF… I nearly called it a salon. Perhaps that’s what it should be called, because most women’s business takes place at a salon.
Hair salon.
Nail salon.
Beauty salon.
Fertility salon.

My new year, new me is a hormone-addled,
trigger-shot-manic,
sad-progesterone-pessimistic
but hopeful
wannabe pregnant woman.

It’s a different kind of New Year's resolution.
Truth be told, a gym membership is a cheaper option.
Guaranteed results?

At the gym, if you show up every day, eat the right foods, avoid alcohol, and continually exercise – you will get fit.

With the IVF salon, if you inject at the same time every day, eat the right foods, avoid alcohol, and exercise appropriately – there is no guarantee you’ll get pregnant.

It’s just one of those things you have to accept.
Which is far easier before the hormones start.

The emotional reality of IVF hormones

I tried to explain hormones to RaRa, who clearly wasn’t getting how hard the first and second cycles were.

Sure, you have to inject yourself – and that’s painful and annoying – but that’s it, right?

My dear, handsome man.
Oh, how wrong you are.

As most women understand, hormones are all-consuming beasts that can turn you into a lustful temptress, then a scary puffy creature, followed by a bedridden recluse by choice – all at different times every month, depending on how lucky you are.

The best explanation I ever found was by Gabrielle Lichterman on Hormonology. She changed my life for the better.

Essentially, women roughly share the same hormonal cycles – albeit at different times – and they can be mapped with frightening accuracy based on the length of your average cycle and where you currently are in it.

Up.
Down.
Up a little.
Down hard.
Flatline.
Like clockwork.
Every single month.

Just knowing this is how it’s meant to feel made a big difference.
I’m yet to find anything similar for IVF, aside from my own experience.

Cycle mapping, progesterone & the IVF rollercoaster

Through cycle mapping – long before I was trying to get pregnant – I learned that day 20 is by far the worst for me. Not only because I weirdly crave two-minute noodles and then consistently have sodium nightmares, but because everyone is astonishingly annoying that day. My calendar should always be blocked out. Quiet work only. No ridiculous stressors. No unnecessary people.

Interestingly, all of this disappeared when I was pregnant.
Suddenly, I felt consistent for the first time in my life.
That’s when I realised why some women have ten children.

It was hormonal bliss.

I suppose the point I’m making is this: if you’re sensitive to hormones, they can hit hard. And for me, it feels like I have to work harder than most to keep them under control – to manage myself, which I proudly achieved with great success… until. IVF.

When you’re suddenly pumping in high levels of oestrogen (hello, anxiety), followed by high levels of progesterone (hello, blues), you’re hitting extreme highs and all the lows within the space of a single “month”.

It’s hormonal whiplash – with a cat o’ nine-tails.

Add hope – the kind where you imagine getting to make and meet a little human.

Then disappointment, which hits differently depending on whether you’re in an egg collection (stim cycle) or a frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle.
In the latter, it’s if Aunt Flo turns up (as if she has a sixth sense for arriving just in time to trash your plans).

And, well…

It’s a lot.

Trying IVF again with Asherman’s Syndrome

This time, I hope it will be different. I have a good feeling about this.

We have three embryos – frozen, waiting, ready for transfer.
While I’m a little scared – Asherman’s Syndrome has a habit of trashing the uterine lining an embryo needs to snuggle into – I’m choosing to lean into faith over fear.

And it’s different this time.

I had another hysteroscopy to “clear the cavity” and give the embryo more rooms to choose from at the womb hotel.

Plus, I’m having a summer off. A summer of creative freedom – a relaxing and luxurious place to be. During daycare hours, I’m thinking about nothing else except creating from the soul. Writing, mostly. Voice-overs. Publishing a new zine. Sitting in the sun.

And, hopefully, creating a new member of our family.

Wish me luck 🧡

Fireside Q&A

1. What do IVF hormones feel like emotionally?

For me, IVF hormones create intense emotional swings across a single cycle – anxiety during the follicle stimulation phase, manic stress after the trigger shot leading into egg collection or frozen embryo transfer (FET), followed by extremely low moods during progesterone. It’s hormonal whiplash.

2. Does IVF feel different when trying again?

Yes, trying IVF again feels emotionally different. There’s more fear, but also more self-knowledge. I understand my cycles, my limits, and what I need to protect my mental health. There can be unintended pressure to keep back-to-back cycles going, but taking time off between cycles has helped me a lot.

3. Can IVF work with Asherman’s Syndrome?

IVF can work with Asherman’s Syndrome, depending on the stage and individual circumstances. I have stage 3, and while it comes with added uncertainty, it also comes with hope. For me, choosing faith over fear has become part of the process.

Hey boo,
If you made it this far, it’s probably because you’re going through it too 🧡.
IVF can feel lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people who love you.
If this resonated, I see you.